I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize