i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it hurts more in the daytime
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
