i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
how does that bad decision feel?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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