I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
