is your mom at the bar?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
