I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
