Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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