Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
