2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
