I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
