Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
