your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
