You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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