shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
