I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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