Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
