I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
