Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
