So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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