and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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