i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
