so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
