I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
