That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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