dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
