So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
