im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
