He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
