By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
