wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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