i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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