just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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