So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
