guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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