that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
