I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
