How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
