when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All the doctor said was why
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wear drunk well.
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