Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
