why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
