There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
