she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
