ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
