Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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