Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
