My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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