Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
