playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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