all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize