Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
