Life is so much better after having sex.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize