Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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