First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
