Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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