i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
