1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
