My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
