a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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