By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
