I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
