you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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