tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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