I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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