thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
