How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
