he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize