He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
