So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
