Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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