It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
