Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
