girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
