tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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