I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
