DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
